Caught on Camera

I was driving in the US when I saw the flash of a traffic camera. I figured that my picture had been taken for speeding, even though I knew I wasn’t. Just to be sure, I went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly. But again the camera flashed.

Thinking this was pretty funny, I drove past even slower three more times, laughing as the camera snapped away each time while I drove by it at a snail’s pace. Two weeks later, I got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt.

Phoning in the cops

Going to bed the other night, I noticed that there were people in my shed stealing things.

I phoned the police but was told no one was in the area to help. They said they would send someone over as soon as possible.

I hung up. A minute later, I rang again. ‘Hello’, I said, ‘I called you a minute ago because there were people in my shed. You don’t have to hurry now, because I’ve shot them.’

Within minutes there were half a dozen police cars in the area, plus a helicopter and an armed response unit. They caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the officers said, ‘I thought you said you had shot them’

To which I replied, ‘I thought you said no one was available.’

A cop pulls me over

A cop pulled me over and said, “Papers”

I said, “Scissors.” and drove off. After all, I had won.


After a night of partying with my buddies, we drive our way back home. Sure enough, a cop pulls us over. At the driver’s window he looks at us and says, “How high are you?”

My friend, who was driving, responds, “No officer, it is ‘Hi!, How are you?'”


After I pulled over to the kerb, the officer walks up to my window and says, “Any drugs, alcohol?”

I tell him, “No thanks officer, I’ve got everything.


While speeding down the highway, a cop drives up to me and says, “Pullover”

“No, it is a cardigan,” I reply, “but thanks for noticing.”

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