Fashionable whilst under attack

A biographer is following a great naval commander to write his story. Out on the ocean, as the admiral speaks about his travels in this dangerous stretch of waters, the lookout shouts, “Pirates to port! Two ships with cannons approaching”

The admiral looks at his deputy and says, “Bring me my red shirt.”. The biographer is surprised and asks about the dress change. The admiral replies, “Moral needs to be high in a battle. I wear my red shirt during battle for situations when I might be shot and I don’t want my men to know that I have been hit”

The biographer is impressed and true to the admiral’s words, his men fight hard and with vigor.

The next day whilst on the deck, a voice is heard from the crow’s nest, “Pirates ahoy! Ten armed ships speeding towards us”

The admiral looks at his deputy and says, “Bring me my brown pants”

Pirate Problems

One day in a tavern a sailor and a pirate were comparing stories of their adventures. The pirate had a peg leg, one hook for a hand and an eye patch. The sailor asked about his peg leg. “I lost it in a shark attack”, the pirate said.

“What happened to your hand?”

“That I lost in a sword fight”, the pirate answered. And when he was asked about his patch, he explained a seagull dropping fell into his eye.

Astonished, the sailor said, “You mean to say that you lost your eye because of a seagull?”

“Well”, the pirate replied, “it happened the first day I had the hook”.

That ship is sick

Q: Where does a ship go when it’s sick?

A: To the dock.

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