Explaining it to the kid

My 8 year daughter: “Dad, what is the meaning of gays?”

Me: “You know how Mum and Dad love each other. Two men can love each other the same way”

She: “So, what’s ‘penetrating gays'”?

Me: “Er.. Can you read me the whole sentence?”

She: “She stared at him with a penetrating gaze”

Me: “Oh!”

– @ItsAndyRyan (Twitter)

Genie and a writer

A writer is walking down a beach when he sees an old lamp. He rubs the lamp and out comes a genie.

“Thank you for releasing me from my prison. I will grant you one wish. What is it that you want?”

The writer thinks for a moment and says, “I want my writings to bring out strong emotions in my readers. I want my readers to feel pain, anguish and sadness when they read what I have written.”

The Genie grants him his wish. The writer is now composing error messages for Microsoft.

Engineers confuse holidays

Why do engineers confuse Halloween and Christmas?

Because Oct 31 = Dec 25

Origami Business

I used to have a successful origami business

And then it folded.

A man walks into a clinic

A man walks into a clinic. The receptionist asks him the purpose of his visit. He replies, “I have a problem with my p*nis”. Visibly shocked, she responds in a stern voice, “Sir! This is a public place. There are kids here. Please be discreet and refer to it by another body part name. Can you try answering me once again?”

The man begins, “I have a problem with my ear”. The receptionist is happier now and asks, “What seems to be the problem sir?”

To which he responds, “I can’t pee out of it”

Thank you

I want to thank everyone who taught me the definition of many

It means a lot.

Death by guillotine

A doctor, a lawyer and an engineer were caught in a remote French village and sentenced to capital punishment. The mode of execution – guillotine. Resigned to their fate, they get ready and stand beside the device.

The doctor goes first. The executioner asks him, “Do you want to face up or face down when being strapped in?” “I prefer ‘face down'”, says the doc and proceeds to kneel down with his head between the wooden clamps. The blade is released and just a few inches from the doctor’s neck, it stops. The overseeing magistrate declares that the doctor must be released as per law.

When on the block, the lawyer is asked the same question, “Face Up or Face Down?” He too prefers to face the ground and is clamped in. The blade is released and like before stops an inch from the lawyer’s neck and he is set free.

The engineer takes his place and decides to go “face up”. While his hands are being tied and the head placed at the right location, he looks up at the blade and rope mechanism and exclaims, “Wait! I see why you are having a problem”

That ship is sick

Q: Where does a ship go when it’s sick?

A: To the dock.

Getting used to acronyms

Mom: What do IDK, LY & TTYL mean?

Son: I don’t know, love you, talk to you later.

Mom: OK, I will ask your sister.

Proud of my son

4 mates get together after a long time, after catching up on their life events one of the mate goes to the loo. Mean while the discussion between the rest continues & leads to their sons.

1st Mate states that his son is doing really good in stock market that he bought one of his friend a new Mercedes.

2nd Mate says his son is doing well too & has earned a handsome amount of money that he bought one of his friend a private jet.

3rd Mate says his son is doing exceptionally well that he bought is friend a villa in upstate New York.

That’s when the 4th mate comes back from the restroom & asks what are they discussing about & the mates tell him about their sons, where he says, “Oh! well, my son is gay”.

Other mates are in shock & try to console him but he says, “I am not worried, I am proud of My son as he too is doing pretty well, he has friends who are in so much love with him that they recently got him a new Mercedes, a private Jet & a new villa in upstate New York”.

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