Dear Algebra,
Please stop asking us to find out your X. She is not coming back, you need to accept that. Don’t ask us Y.
Negatives & Positives
The eminent linguistic philosopher J. L. Austin of Oxford once gave a lecture in which he asserted that there are many languages in which a double negative makes a positive, but none in which a double positive makes a negative — to which the Columbia philosopher Sidney Morgenbesser, sitting in the audience, sarcastically replied, “Yeah, yeah.”
Originally from nytimes
What they teach in college
I was attending a job fair at a 5-star hotel. There were hundreds of students from other colleges. In the men’s restroom, there were two more graduates from other colleges who were finishing up just as I was. The first one walked over to the wash basin and proceeded to thoroughly wash his hands, apply soap and then rinse it off. He then uses a bunch of towels to dry himself. Looking at us, he remarked, “I am from Stanford, they teach us to be meticulous.”.
The second kid near the washbasin, washed his hands, quicker than the first, used just a single paper towel and with a smirk on his face said, “I am from Harvard, they teach us to be efficient”
I could see that the other two were looking at me, waiting for me to say something. I proceeded to the door and half-opening it, looked back and said, “I am from MIT, they teach us not to piss on our hands”
<Template Joke: You can replace the characters and retell it to others to suit your audience. No offense is meant to the current characters used>
Math Problems
Teacher: If you have 4 books and I give you 3 more, how many books would you have?
Student: 7 books
Teacher: Good. Now, if you have 2947 books and I gave you 1836 books, what would you have?
Student: A library
Late for school
A mom calls out to her son “Harry! Wake up! You’ll be late for school.”
The son replies, “Mom I don’t want to go to school! The teachers and students hate me! Give me one reason I should go!”
The mom says back, “You should go because you’re the principal!”