Chuckle Archives for: Family jokes
Family; can’t live with them, can’t live without them
I was visiting my son the other night, when I asked him if I could borrow a newspaper.
“Dad, this is the 21st century”, he said, “I don’t waste money on newspapers. But if you like, you can borrow my iPad.”
I can tell you this: That spider never knew what hit him.
Lying on his deathbed, a loving husband was wavering between life and death when he thought he smelled chocolate chip cookies baking. They were his very favourite, so he dragged himself out of bed, crawled to the kitchen and was just reaching up to take a cookie off the plate when his wife slapped his hand with a spatula.
“Don’t touch!” she commanded. “They’re for the funeral.”
A fellow walked into a drugstore and headed to the back to speak to the pharmacist. “Do you have anything for hiccups?” he asked.
Without warning, the pharmacist reached over and gave the man a sharp smack on the shoulder. “Did that help?” he inquired.
“I don’t know”, the startled man replied. “I’ll have to ask my wife. She’s waiting in the car.”
“Your generation is too reliant on technology”, said my grandpa.
“No, YOUR generation is too reliant on technology”, I retorted as I pulled the plug from his life support to prove my point.
Mom: What do IDK, LY & TTYL mean?
Son: I don’t know, love you, talk to you later.
Mom: OK, I will ask your sister.
My father was completely lost in the kitchen and never ate unless someone prepared a meal for him. When Mother was ill, however, he volunteered to go to the supermarket for her. She sent him off with a carefully numbered list of seven items.
Dad returned shortly, very proud of himself, and proceeded to unpack the grocery bags. He had one bag of sugar, two dozen eggs, three hams, four boxes of detergent, five boxes of crackers, six eggplants, and seven green peppers.