Saving a hundred grand

A man goes to the local club for a round of golf. He is paired with another member, who, he has never seen before. They tee off and as they progress they begin to chat and talk about work. When asked what he does for a living, the other man says, “I don’t usually advertise what I do, but since we are alone, let me tell you that I am a gun for hire.”

“Seriously?”, the first man asks, “How much do you charge?”

“A hundred thousand for each shot”, the killer says.

They continue playing and the first man is really excited and asks him a lot of questions, from how he gets his orders to what gun he uses. The assassin tells him that he always carries his sniper rifle around and proceeds to pull it out of the golf bag. Placing the scope to his eye, the first man has a look around and is quite impressed. Turning the rifle in the direction of his home, he says, “Look! I can see my house from here. I can see the bedroom on the first floor.”.

Suddenly, he gets angry and curses, “Damn that two-timing wife of mine. I can see her in the arms of my neighbor. What the hell is going on?”

“Look here”, he says turning to his golf partner, “I will give you a hundred thousand to shoot my neighbor in his crotch, he will never be able to screw around and another hundred to shoot my wife in her mouth so that she can never speak again”

The assassin takes the rifle and begins to take aim. Five minutes pass and he still hasn’t pulled the trigger. The husband is angry and bursts out, “What kind of a professional are you? For a simple shot such as this, you are taking forever.”

Taking his eye off the scope, he simply replies, “They have undressed now. If you give me a minute, I can save you a hundred grand.”

Statue in the bedroom

Hearing the car pull up in the driveway unexpectedly, the husband turns to his lover and says, “Gosh! My wife is home early. There is no way to leave this room without her noticing. I guess I am done for.”

Frantically, he looks for a place to hide his mistress and suddenly hits upon an idea. Opening his wife’s makeup draw, he proceeds to apply copious amounts of powder on the lady. “I bet I could pass you off as a statue. Once things are clear, you can escape.”

Just as he is finishing, his wife walks in. “Ah! This looks new”, she questions, looking inquisitively at her now perspiring husband. “This.. This is nothing. I thought we could ‘classy-up’ the bedroom by placing a nice Greek statue in it. I got it from the art gallery in downtown.”

“Hmm.. It looks good”, she remarks and proceeds to freshen up, while the husband lets out a sigh of relief. Later in the night, the wife gets up, goes to the kitchen and takes a bottle of water, a sandwich and comes back to the bedroom. “Psst!”, she whispers to the statue, “Have something to eat and drink. I am sure you need it. Last week I was stuck as a statue and it was three days before I could escape and no one offered me even a glass of water.”

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