The right influence

A lady goes to a pet store to buy parrots. The talking parrots that she sees in the store turn out to be too expensive. Seeing her hesitation, the shop owner approaches and tells her, “I have a pair of parrots that are much cheaper than the others you see in the shop. Would you be interested?” She agrees and the parrots seem pretty normal to her. “So why are these parrots so cheap?”, she asks. “Well! They are regular parrots, except that they were in a brothel throughout their life. They don’t have the best language.”

“They can’t be so bad”, she thinks and purchases the two parrots. When her husband comes home later in the evening, he is greeted by the parrots, “Hey! We are escorts. Do you want to have some fun?”. Much to the lady’s embarrassment and to the laughter of her husband, this continues everyday. Finally, she can’t take it anymore. She goes to the local church and explains her problem to the pastor. He says, “That’s no problem. I have two parrots who have listened to the Bible all their lives and can recite hymns. They will be a good influence on your pets. Bring them over tomorrow”

Sure enough, the lady is at the pastor’s house the next day with the parrots in a cage. The pastor takes the pets inside and places them next to his two parrots. The lady’s parrots start, “Hey! We are escorts. Do you want to have some fun?” The priest’s parrot turns to his mate and says, “Put away those beads. Our prayers have been answered.”

Bringing the parrot to line

A man had a foul mouthed parrot as a pet. He tried his best to train it and not embarrass him in front of guests. Even attempts to control the parrot by denying crackers didn’t help. The parrot showered abuse as if it were a pirate. One evening after his date stormed out after some really offensive remarks, he was livid. In a fit of rage, he caught the bird and pushed it into the freezer.

A few minutes later, his anger subsided and he went to fetch his parrot. When the parrot came out, it started apologizing and said that it would be decent and never ever swear again. The man was surprised, “What made you change your mind?”. The parrot replied, “Well, I saw the chicken in the freezer and I knew I didn’t want to end up like that guy”

Finding the right parrot

A man walks into a pet shop and starts looking at parrots to buy. He notices one and enquires its price. The shopkeeper tells him, “This parrot costs 2000 dollars. It will answer phone calls for you”

Moving on, he stops at another cage. The shopkeeper tells him, “This will cost you $5000. It will answer your phones as well as take dictation and organize your calendar.”

Looking at the last cage, the man asks, “How much for this one?”. The reply is that it costs 10,000 dollars. Stunned at the high price, he asks, “What does this parrot do?”

“Well, all I see him do all day is sit around”, came the reply, “But the other two call him ‘Boss’

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