It Hurts everywhere

Patient: Doctor, it hurts everywhere.

Doctor: Please sit down. Can you show me where it hurts?

Patient: (pressing his index finger against his head) Here (touching his stomach) Here (poking his other arm) Here (prodding his legs) Here too!

Doctor: (has a good look at the patient) I see your problem. Your body is fine. It is your index finger that is broken

Down but not out

A group of women are playing golf and are just behind another group that is teeing off the next hole. One lady in the group hits the ball the wrong way and it goes flying in the direction of the group ahead. Before she could yell, “Fore!” the ball flew and hit a man. He doubled over and crouched into a fetal position in great pain. The lady rushed over and said, “I am very sorry. Let me help. I am a nurse.” She proceeded to remove his hands from between his thighs and began slowly massaging his groin area. After a few minutes, she asked, “How are you feeling now?”.

The man replied, “It is hard to say, part of me feels really glad but my thumb still hurts like hell”

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